1 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,020 Hi, I'd like To make a reservation 2 00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,520 On your next flight To provincetown. 3 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,530 Uh, I'm sorry, Our computer's Tied up right now. 4 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:11,030 [music playing] 5 00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:15,530 85,000 points and 3 swords In the dragon's eye. 6 00:00:15,530 --> 00:00:16,530 Beat that, you weenie. 7 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,200 Step aside, yoda. You're in the wizard's glow. 8 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,210 No. No, no. I--I need this computer For business. 9 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,210 Ok, ok. Kenny, we got An important job to do. 10 00:00:26,210 --> 00:00:27,710 What's that? 11 00:00:27,710 --> 00:00:30,710 We've got to sneak into Roy's plane and cut holes In his airsick bags. 12 00:00:32,220 --> 00:00:33,220 Cool. 13 00:00:35,220 --> 00:00:37,020 Who are those bozos? 14 00:00:37,020 --> 00:00:38,520 Our pilots. 15 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,520 Name? 16 00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,630 [seagulls cawing] 17 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:49,330 Joe? 18 00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:50,830 (joe) I'm out in the hangar, Helen. 19 00:01:50,830 --> 00:01:52,830 Joe, I need to send Some flowers. 20 00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,660 Where did you get Those roses you sent me? 21 00:01:54,660 --> 00:01:57,670 Uh, the flower basket Out on cliff road. 22 00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:59,170 Do you have That number? 23 00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:01,170 Yeah. It's in my phone book. Top right-hand drawer. 24 00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:05,610 Here, let me Find that for you. 25 00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,750 That number is 9-5-6-- Excuse me. 26 00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:13,680 Uh, why'd you run in here And grab that book Out of my hand? 27 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,990 No reason. Just a crazy impulse. 28 00:02:15,990 --> 00:02:17,250 You know What a madcap I am. 29 00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,660 That's hubcap. 30 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,860 What are you tryin' To hide from me? 31 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:25,290 [laughing] Oh, don't be ridiculous. 32 00:02:25,290 --> 00:02:27,800 Hide something? 33 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,800 Helen, you are being A little bit paranoid. 34 00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:32,800 You have absolutely No reason to think 35 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,770 That I'm trying to hide Something from you. 36 00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:36,710 My life is an open book. 37 00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:37,610 [keys clinking] 38 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,940 Now, What was the question? 39 00:02:39,940 --> 00:02:41,440 [drawer rattling] Open up this damn drawer. 40 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,950 I wanna know what's in here And I wanna know right now. 41 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,450 Hey, hey, helen, Stop--stop that. 42 00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:47,450 That book is private. 43 00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,450 There are 2 kinds of private, Joe. 44 00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:51,450 There's the kind Where you have Nothing to hide, 45 00:02:51,450 --> 00:02:52,960 Nobody cares diddlysquat About that, 46 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,460 And then, There's the other kind, 47 00:02:55,460 --> 00:02:57,460 The kind That's really private, 48 00:02:57,460 --> 00:03:00,430 The kind That makes your forehead Break out in a cold sweat. 49 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,430 I have no idea What you're talking about. 50 00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:05,440 Thanks. 51 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:08,440 Helen, How would you like it 52 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:09,440 If I went rifling Through your purse? 53 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,740 I wouldn't mind at all, I have nothing to hide. 54 00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:13,480 Especially from someone I care about. 55 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,380 You trying to tell me You have absolutely Nothing in there 56 00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,880 You wouldn't Want me to see? 57 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:18,380 No, joe, I have nothing in here. 58 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,390 What, I've got, Look, a brush, mascara... 59 00:03:23,890 --> 00:03:26,020 Whoops! Got to go. 60 00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,020 Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's in there? 61 00:03:28,020 --> 00:03:30,730 What? Nothing, joe. Just, you know, Usual girl stuff. 62 00:03:30,730 --> 00:03:32,230 Whips and chains and... 63 00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:36,230 A selection Of sexual devices From the far east. 64 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,700 You're kidding, right? 65 00:03:39,700 --> 00:03:40,700 Yeah. Yeah. 66 00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:46,310 This is disgraceful. 67 00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:47,810 What's that, roy? 68 00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:48,810 It says here, 69 00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:52,820 "Miss nantucket pickled At state beauty pageant." 70 00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,320 I mean, here she is, 71 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,320 A representative Of this lovely island 72 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,820 And she gets drunk At the pageant. 73 00:03:58,690 --> 00:04:01,490 Well, actually, roy, It says, 74 00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:04,860 "Miss nantucket picked At state beauty pageant," 75 00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:05,660 Not pickled. 76 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:07,160 Give me that. 77 00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:10,170 Oh, you're right. 78 00:04:10,670 --> 00:04:13,500 That's good for her. 79 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:16,170 Have you ever considered That you might need glasses, Roy? 80 00:04:16,470 --> 00:04:18,980 Glasses? No way. I don't need glasses. Uh-uh. 81 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:22,480 Roy, the loss Of physical prowess As we age 82 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,050 Should not be A source of shame, 83 00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:29,820 Something to be hidden From the pity of a younger, More capable world. 84 00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:31,820 As dylan once said, 85 00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:34,760 "Do not go gentle Into that good night. 86 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,230 "Rage, rage, 87 00:04:37,230 --> 00:04:38,730 For the times They are a-changin'." 88 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:45,000 I think you're Mixing up bob dylan With dylan thomas. 89 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,270 No, that's ridiculous. 90 00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:50,270 Dylan thomas was The poet laureate of wales. 91 00:04:50,270 --> 00:04:53,280 Bob dylan starred In gilligan's island. 92 00:04:54,410 --> 00:04:56,780 No, no, no, That's bob denver. 93 00:04:57,110 --> 00:05:01,120 No, bob denver Is the one who sings Rocky mountain high. 94 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,220 Oh, right, right. 95 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:06,760 [phone ringing] 96 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,200 Wow, look what Just came in From gate one. 97 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,560 Uh! 98 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,170 I couldn't even imagine Talking to a woman like that. 99 00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:20,170 Watch this. 100 00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:24,170 Um, excuse me. 101 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:26,680 Uh, do I know you? 102 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,180 Are you a model? 103 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:29,680 What's a nice girl like you Doing in a place like this? 104 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:30,680 What's your sign? 105 00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:32,980 Don't you think you should Have that mole checked? 106 00:05:32,980 --> 00:05:33,920 What? 107 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,820 Nah, I was just tryin' to get All those horrible cliches 108 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,120 Out of the way. 109 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,120 Well, I've never heard The one about the mole. 110 00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,660 Oh, well, Works like a charm In eastern europe. 111 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,760 Ah! Brian's incredible, Isn't he? 112 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,100 I--I just hope that someday I'm as successful with women As he is. 113 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,400 Oh, well, sure. Shoot at anything That moves. 114 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,900 You're bound To hit something. 115 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,540 Uh-huh. So, uh, You going out with her? 116 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:59,540 Tonight, dinner on me, But not italian. 117 00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:02,510 The meatballs tend To roll off my chest. 118 00:06:02,510 --> 00:06:04,510 Well, if you're in the mood For something deep-fried, 119 00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:07,750 I'm working The drive-through window At ahab's fast fish. 120 00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:09,250 I didn't know You had a 2nd job. 121 00:06:09,250 --> 00:06:12,460 Oh, no offense, But your brother Doesn't pay very well. 122 00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,460 Are they still hiring? 123 00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:23,230 Helen. Yeah? 124 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,200 I changed my mind. 125 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:26,700 I think, As long as we're dating, 126 00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,210 We shouldn't have any secrets, So, here's my address book. 127 00:06:29,210 --> 00:06:30,670 You go ahead And look in it. 128 00:06:30,670 --> 00:06:32,680 That's ok, joe. I don't Need to look in your book. 129 00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:34,680 I want you to. No, no, no, no, no, no. 130 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,750 No, go ahead. Ok. 131 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:38,750 The same page as the florist You were looking up 132 00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,750 Is a name You might recognize. 133 00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:43,520 Nancy ferguson? 134 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,220 [chuckling] Yeah, that's the one. 135 00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:48,090 What the hell Is nancy ferguson doing In your address book? 136 00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:51,530 Well, to be totally honest, Last spring, 137 00:06:51,530 --> 00:06:54,030 Long before You and I were even Thinking about dating, 138 00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,600 We had an affair. 139 00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:56,900 ...Ly innocuous date. 140 00:06:58,130 --> 00:06:59,140 Nancy ferguson? 141 00:06:59,140 --> 00:07:00,640 Come on, helen, 142 00:07:01,140 --> 00:07:02,140 You're the one That wanted to look In my address book. 143 00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:03,940 You made this bed, Now you have to lie in it. 144 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:06,140 I can't. Nancy ferguson's been there. 145 00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,050 And what is this star By her name? 146 00:07:10,050 --> 00:07:11,550 Uh, I... 147 00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,550 I was doodling. 148 00:07:15,820 --> 00:07:16,820 Bet you were. 149 00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:18,890 Come on, helen. 150 00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,890 Ok, joe, you're right. I'm sorry. 151 00:07:22,890 --> 00:07:24,890 It's all in the past. 152 00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:26,400 Guess it could Have been worse. 153 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,900 It could have been Sherry scudder. 154 00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,400 [chuckles] Yeah, sure could have been. 155 00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:33,100 [clearing throat] Helen... 156 00:07:35,170 --> 00:07:36,670 I let you look In my phone book, 157 00:07:36,670 --> 00:07:39,310 So, uh, now you gotta Show me what you're hiding In your purse. 158 00:07:39,310 --> 00:07:40,810 Fat chance. 159 00:07:40,810 --> 00:07:42,350 Hey, look, helen, That's not fair. 160 00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:45,350 Fair? Welcome to the world Of romance, toots. 161 00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:48,880 They're a fun couple, Aren't they? 162 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,890 Well, it's still better To be in a relationship 163 00:07:51,390 --> 00:07:53,690 Than out there, Trolling the singles' bars. 164 00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:56,960 It's terrifying, horrible. It's lonely out there. 165 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,660 (lowell) Uh, I know What you mean, roy. 166 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:00,430 Before I met bunny, 167 00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,930 I can't tell you How many evenings I spent 168 00:08:02,430 --> 00:08:04,430 Sitting at The knight and castle, 169 00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:07,440 Wondering where All the great women were. 170 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,440 Lowell, The knight and castle Is a gay hangout. 171 00:08:14,980 --> 00:08:16,280 It is? 172 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:20,180 Well, that explains Those phone messages From steve. 173 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,260 Well, you guys are right. It's tough out there. 174 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,060 Oh, hackett, What are you talkin' about? 175 00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:31,360 You don't seem to have Any trouble finding women. 176 00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:34,860 Well, women, no, But the woman. I mean, it's different. 177 00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:36,870 I mean, I'm a reasonably Intelligent guy. 178 00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:38,870 I had a scholarship To princeton, 179 00:08:38,870 --> 00:08:40,370 Spent some time at nasa. 180 00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:43,870 There's even A small village in belize Where I'm considered a god. 181 00:08:45,310 --> 00:08:47,440 But I--I just don't know Where to find 182 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,950 A--a sensitive, attractive, Intelligent woman, you know? 183 00:08:50,950 --> 00:08:51,950 (melinda) Here. 184 00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:54,080 [cup clattering] 185 00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:56,090 I--I--I beg your pardon? 186 00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:59,090 Well, I think I'm a sensitive, 187 00:08:59,090 --> 00:09:01,690 Attractive, Intelligent woman. 188 00:09:01,690 --> 00:09:04,190 And with quite a high opinion Of herself, I might add. 189 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,160 I can't believe We have so much in common. 190 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,670 I'm melinda. Hi. Brian. 191 00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:10,700 Hi. Hi. 192 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:11,700 I don't usually Do this. 193 00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:13,700 I mean, I'm not The kind of woman 194 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,200 Who hangs around At airports. 195 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,210 You mean a traveler? 196 00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:18,740 Hey, hey, You're laughin' now. 197 00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,240 Why don't you have dinner With me tonight 198 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,010 And you'll be snorting Expensive wine out your nose. 199 00:09:23,510 --> 00:09:25,510 How could a girl In her right mind 200 00:09:25,510 --> 00:09:27,020 Turn down an invitation Like that? 201 00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:29,020 Ooh, I like her. 202 00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:33,360 Announcing the arrival Of sandpiper air flight 8 From hyannis. 203 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,690 That's my flight. 204 00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,190 Whoa, w-wait a second. You're not leaving, Are you? 205 00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:37,690 Oh, no. No, I'm meeting somebody. 206 00:09:37,690 --> 00:09:39,200 Oh. Well, after All we've been through, 207 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,700 I thought I was the man Of your dreams. 208 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,200 Hi, mom. Hi, kenny. 209 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,700 Mom, kenny. Kenny's mom. 210 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,200 [exclaiming] 211 00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:56,390 [stammering] Well, wow! I don't believe this. 212 00:09:56,890 --> 00:09:58,760 You? You and my mom Are goin' out on a date? 213 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:01,000 Boy, you don't look Old enough to be Kenny's mother. 214 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,500 Oh, she is, I swear it. Thank you, dear. 215 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:06,170 So, uh, you don't have Any problem with this, Do you, kenny lad? 216 00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,100 Oh, what? Are you kidding? 217 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,610 No. No, no. I think it's great. 218 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,110 Mom, I gotta go Fill out my flight log. 219 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,080 So I'm gonna meet you At the car, ok? Ok. 220 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,380 So, great. I--I--I'll pick you up At 8:00, ok? 221 00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,550 Great. I'll see you then. Ok. 222 00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,280 I hope you like Clog dancing. 223 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,080 I hope you're kidding. 224 00:10:21,680 --> 00:10:22,690 [phone ringing] 225 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:26,090 [whooping] Imagine that, Me datin' your mom. 226 00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:28,360 You stay away From my mother! 227 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,160 What? 228 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:33,160 And I--I know What you're like. I know how you treat women. 229 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,670 Wait a second. We-- we're just gonna Go out and have a nice time. 230 00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,170 What could possibly Be wrong with that? 231 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,670 Well, for one thing, You already have A date tonight. 232 00:10:39,670 --> 00:10:41,100 I do? 233 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,610 You know, the girl From the terminal This morning? 234 00:10:42,610 --> 00:10:44,670 The one you treated Like a piece of meat? 235 00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:46,180 Could you be A little more specific? 236 00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:48,650 The blonde. 237 00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:51,350 Oh, her. 238 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:53,850 A minor glitch. I'll brush her off Like crumbs on a place mat. 239 00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:56,020 Oh, brian, that's exactly What I'm talking about. 240 00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:58,360 Tonight you'll dump her And tomorrow night, It'll be my mom. 241 00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:00,460 Hey, y-you got me All wrong, kid. 242 00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,960 I'm--I'm not That way at all. 243 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,460 Well, I am. But I can turn it On and off. 244 00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:07,460 Come on, brian. Look, Make any excuse you have to, But get out of it. 245 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,470 Kenny, you know, I think it's very nice 246 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:11,340 The way you're lookin' out For your mom and all 247 00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:13,170 But, H-how can I put this? 248 00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:14,170 It's none of Your business. 249 00:11:14,670 --> 00:11:16,170 I'm warnin' you. If you hurt her, 250 00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:19,880 You will rue the day That you ever messed with Kenneth margaret mcelvey. 251 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,380 Margaret? 252 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:23,850 Don't laugh. 253 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,850 I was named after My great-grandmother. 254 00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:28,150 She was an indian fighter, So you watch it. 255 00:11:30,150 --> 00:11:31,660 [chuckling] 256 00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,660 Not the worst-looking Margaret I ever met. 257 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:43,100 Uh, fay, could you Come over here For a minute? 258 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,100 Oh, sure, roy. 259 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:48,610 I want your opinion About something. 260 00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:52,110 I just found out That I'm--I'm gonna Be needing glasses 261 00:11:52,110 --> 00:11:54,610 And I--I borrowed A pair of these frames 262 00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,110 To see if I liked them. 263 00:11:56,610 --> 00:11:58,620 What do you think? 264 00:11:58,620 --> 00:12:02,490 Hey, roy, That's a great-looking Pair of glasses. 265 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:04,690 [chuckling] Really? Thanks. 266 00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:06,690 Boy, those lenses Are so clear 267 00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:08,690 You'd swear They weren't In there at all. 268 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,200 [screaming] 269 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,000 Oh. Gag glasses. Oh, you got me, roy. 270 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:19,270 What's new, kid? 271 00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:21,770 Beetle bailey Just got in trouble With the sarge. 272 00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:24,270 Gee, how do they Keep that stuff fresh? 273 00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,780 Look, brian, 274 00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,780 I think I really Owe you an apology. 275 00:12:28,780 --> 00:12:30,780 I--I had no--no right To speak to you The way I did. 276 00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:31,780 Aw, don't worry About it. 277 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,280 Your mom's a terrific lady. 278 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,790 You just didn't want To see her get hurt. 279 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:36,790 Uh, well, She sure didn't. 280 00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,290 Between you and me, I think she has A little crush on you. 281 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,790 Oh, really? Yeah. 282 00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:43,790 Uh, you know, I just Had this funny thought. What? 283 00:12:43,790 --> 00:12:46,800 What if, uh, you And my mom keep on havin' Such a great time together? 284 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,800 Then maybe, uh, someday, You'd be my dad. 285 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,800 Hey, that'd be Something, huh? 286 00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,300 [both mumbling] 287 00:12:56,170 --> 00:12:57,710 [exclaiming] 288 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,510 Kill me, joe. 289 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,280 I'm kind of busy, brian. Maybe later. 290 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,250 I went out on a date With kenny's mom 291 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,250 And I--I promised kenny I wouldn't hurt her, You know. 292 00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:07,880 And now, the woman has A massive crush on me. 293 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,290 What's the problem? 294 00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,720 She's a lox, joe. 295 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,090 Whoa, wait a minute. W-what went wrong? 296 00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,590 Earlier today, You said, you thought You had a winner. 297 00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:16,590 Look, I'll tell you What went wrong. She changed on me. 298 00:13:16,590 --> 00:13:18,600 It was like lon chaney During a full moon. 299 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,100 I mean, the woman 300 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,530 Is unable to shut up. 301 00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,400 She cannot stop talking. 302 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,370 She's a human tape loop. If she's not talking About herself, 303 00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,370 She's talking about her cat Or her gardener, 304 00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:31,840 Or how wonderful Her ex-husband dennis is 305 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:34,180 And she can't understand Why dennis ran out on her. 306 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,010 I'll--I'll tell you Why he ran out on her, joe. 307 00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:38,010 Dennis has 2 good ears. 308 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,020 [groaning] 309 00:13:42,020 --> 00:13:44,590 Well, kenny warned me To stay away from her. 310 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,090 If only I had heeded The wisdom of that child. 311 00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:50,760 If only I hadn't Gone out with her. But, no. 312 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:53,260 Well, if ifs and buts Were candy and nuts, 313 00:13:53,260 --> 00:13:55,260 We'd all have A wonderful christmas. 314 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,180 You're enjoying yourself, Aren't you? 315 00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:08,280 I have so few pleasures In life, allow me this. 316 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,780 What am I gonna do? I don't wanna hurt the kid, 317 00:14:10,780 --> 00:14:14,220 But I've got to Dump his mother like A load of bad asphalt. 318 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,020 Break it off, Don't let it Go any further. 319 00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:19,160 Call his mother right now And then explain it to kenny. He'll understand. 320 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,160 [stammering] Yeah, yeah, right. 321 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,660 Honesty is the way to go. All right? 322 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,230 Yeah. 323 00:14:28,730 --> 00:14:30,730 Here, uh, tell her You're from the center for Disease control in atlanta. 324 00:14:31,230 --> 00:14:33,700 Ask her if she's had Any contact at all With a brian hackett. 325 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:35,100 [phone ringing] 326 00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,040 Brian. Ok, ok, ok. 327 00:14:38,540 --> 00:14:40,540 Hey, melinda. 328 00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:43,050 Hi, it's brian-- It's-- yeah-- It's-- 329 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,050 [melinda chattering on phone] 330 00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,050 Yeah. 331 00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:53,760 [people chattering] 332 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,590 [airplane engine whirring] 333 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,560 Aha! 334 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:02,930 Aha, her diary. 335 00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,270 [chuckling] 336 00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:06,770 What? 337 00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:08,770 Oh, no. 338 00:15:09,210 --> 00:15:10,710 Oh, my god! 339 00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:12,210 Joe, what are you doin'? 340 00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:13,210 What am I doing? 341 00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,710 What are you doing? Who the hell is bob 342 00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:18,050 And why did your loins Burn for him last night? 343 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,050 What? Are you nuts? 344 00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:23,350 Excuse me. I think I left my-- 345 00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:24,850 Hey, that's my purse. 346 00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:25,860 [stuttering] 347 00:15:25,860 --> 00:15:27,860 It's not your purse. It's her purse. 348 00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,860 It is not. 349 00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,360 She's right. This is mine. 350 00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:34,330 You're reading my diary. 351 00:15:35,330 --> 00:15:36,830 No. I'm not, I swear. 352 00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:38,340 I don't know anything About your loins. 353 00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:45,210 Joe hackett, I'm surprised at you. 354 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,740 I-- I'm sorry, I don't know What has gotten into me. 355 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:50,750 I am just obsessed With whatever it is You're hiding in there. 356 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,750 Joe, I'm not hiding Anything in here. I was just teasing you. 357 00:15:55,250 --> 00:15:56,750 Obviously, you're not Gonna believe me. 358 00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:59,260 Ok, so let's just Take a look, shall we? 359 00:15:59,260 --> 00:16:01,760 There, joe. There it all is. 360 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,260 See, there's all My deep, dark secrets. 361 00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:05,760 [gasping] Oh, what's this? 362 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,200 Lipstick. 363 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:11,270 I'm never gonna be able To look in your face again. 364 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:13,840 [screaming] What's this? 365 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,640 Keys. 366 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,410 (helen) Oh, the shame of it. 367 00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:18,740 Are you through? 368 00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:20,140 I don't know, joe. Have you seen enough? 369 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,980 Uh, ok, you win. I don't wanna Do this anymore. 370 00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:25,480 I'm embarrassed enough That it became So important to me. 371 00:16:25,980 --> 00:16:26,680 But now it's over. 372 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,220 Good, joe. 373 00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:29,720 Hey, helen, What's that? 374 00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:32,720 Oh, my god. I forgot That was still in there. 375 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,060 Hey, hey, helen. What is-- what is that? Nothing. 376 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:35,990 Helen? Nothing. 377 00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,330 Helen. 378 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,830 They are a fun couple, Aren't they? 379 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,230 [phone ringing] 380 00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:46,040 Oh, kenny, kenny, kenny. Just the man I'm looking for. 381 00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,040 Uh... 382 00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:50,040 There's no easy way Of saying this. 383 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,210 So, I guess, I'll just Come right out and say it. 384 00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,080 Uh, just got off the phone With your mom. 385 00:16:54,510 --> 00:16:55,980 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 386 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:58,780 And I'm not gonna be Seeing her anymore. 387 00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:00,320 What? 388 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,220 Yeah, we've decided That it just wouldn't Work out. 389 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,090 "We decided?" 390 00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:06,760 "We decided?" 391 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,490 No, no, no, You mean you decided. I knew you'd do this. 392 00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:09,990 Oh, no, kenny, You don't understand. 393 00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,430 No, no, no, I understand. Well, I understand just fine. 394 00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:13,930 You broke my mother's heart, 395 00:17:13,930 --> 00:17:15,430 And I hope you die. 396 00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:23,270 Well, I think That went pretty well. 397 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,150 Thank you, sir. 398 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:32,650 [bell ringing] 399 00:17:33,650 --> 00:17:35,650 Ahoy, matey, Welcome to ahab's. 400 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:38,150 Argh! May I take Your order, please? 401 00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:39,660 (brian) Hey, kenny. It's me, brian. 402 00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:43,030 Uh, I just Came to talk to you For--for a second. 403 00:17:43,030 --> 00:17:43,830 [crickets chirping] 404 00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,760 May I take your order? 405 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,930 Uh, kenny, I'm really not hungry. 406 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:50,400 I just-- I just Need to talk to you. 407 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,330 If you're not gonna order, Just drive on through. 408 00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:53,840 Oh, kenny, come on. 409 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:54,840 I can't hear you. 410 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,340 Speak into the whale's Blowhole. 411 00:17:57,770 --> 00:17:59,280 I don't want to. 412 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,780 I don't know Where this whale's been. 413 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:05,150 Yeah. Uh, a-all right, Yeah, I'll order. 414 00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:09,350 Uh, let me have the, Uh, "The feeding frenzy." 415 00:18:09,350 --> 00:18:11,220 Do you want fries With that, sir? 416 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,520 A dish called "Feeding frenzy" Doesn't come with fries? 417 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:17,630 No. That'll be $4.75. 418 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,130 Drive forward And pick up your order. 419 00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:21,560 [yelling] One frenzy! 420 00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:32,210 [mimicking popeye] Oh, my gosh. 421 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,780 Kenny. 422 00:18:35,910 --> 00:18:36,910 Kenny, come on. 423 00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:39,420 [stammering] We gotta talk About this now. 424 00:18:42,550 --> 00:18:44,120 Ok. Now, look, 425 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,620 When I go out With a woman, 426 00:18:46,620 --> 00:18:48,620 I always hope It's gonna work out. 427 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,630 Oh, that is such a lie. 428 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,100 All you care about, All you want to do Is take them out, 429 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,100 Have your way with them, Then dump them. 430 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,530 You don't care About their feelings. 431 00:18:56,530 --> 00:18:58,430 You know, all you care about Is yourself 432 00:18:58,430 --> 00:18:59,800 And your base animal needs. 433 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,140 [bell ringing] 434 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,040 Ahoy, matey, Welcome to ahab's. 435 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:05,540 Argh! May I take your order? 436 00:19:05,540 --> 00:19:08,040 (man) 3 ahab burgers And a large moby shake. 437 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,550 You disgust me. 438 00:19:09,550 --> 00:19:12,050 Ok, make that 2 burgers And a medium shake. 439 00:19:14,050 --> 00:19:17,050 You know, if I wasn't Workin' right now, 440 00:19:17,050 --> 00:19:19,420 I'd take you out back And beat the snot Out of you. 441 00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:21,760 Oh, really? Do you wanna hit me? 442 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:22,760 Will that make you Feel better? 443 00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,730 I-if you wanna hit me, Kid, 444 00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,160 Go, take your best shot. Oh. 445 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,230 Ok, I'll even make it Easy for you, come on. 446 00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:29,730 [horn honking] Hey, would you Hold your horses? 447 00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,230 I'm talking here, ok? 448 00:19:31,230 --> 00:19:34,040 Come on, kid, come on, Come on, hit me. Go ahead. 449 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,370 [grunting] 450 00:19:36,870 --> 00:19:38,370 Sorry to keep you Waiting, sir. 451 00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:39,880 Your order will be ready In a minute. 452 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:41,880 Hey, no problem. Take your time. 453 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,380 Ow! 454 00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:49,150 You did it. You actually did it. 455 00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:51,620 Well, you said I could. 456 00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:54,620 Yeah, but w-when people say, "Go ahead and hit me," 457 00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:57,130 They don't actually expect The other person to do it. 458 00:19:58,130 --> 00:20:00,630 Oh, man. 459 00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:03,500 You know, for a little guy, You got a pretty good right, You know. 460 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:05,500 Well, 461 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500 I had a roll of quarters In my hand. 462 00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:16,450 Which reminds me, You--you still owe me $4.75. 463 00:20:18,110 --> 00:20:20,120 Yep. Yep. 464 00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,650 I don't know. I've done my best. 465 00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:26,660 I don't know what else I can do. 466 00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:33,000 Thank you. 467 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:38,030 [exhales] Man. 468 00:20:38,030 --> 00:20:41,040 I just-- I just want her To find someone and be happy. 469 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,540 Well, that will happen. 470 00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,040 Yeah. Yeah, sure. 471 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:47,040 She keeps goin' out With lots of guys 472 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,050 But none of them Ever seem to come back. 473 00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:51,920 I mean, what--what is Wrong with her? Isn't she any fun? 474 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,950 Well, no, kenny, It's not that. 475 00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,820 Isn't she pretty enough? Oh, yeah, she's pretty. 476 00:20:57,820 --> 00:21:00,090 I mean, it's not that Either-- Well, then what is it? 477 00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:02,090 I mean, Is it-- is it 'cause She's not smart enough? 478 00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:04,090 I mean, No--no sense of humor? 479 00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:06,100 Bad clothes, Bad--bad manners, Bad posture? 480 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,400 What is it? It's gotta be something. 481 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:09,900 No, no, kenny. It's none of those things. 482 00:21:09,900 --> 00:21:11,630 Well, just come on, Tell me. I can take it. 483 00:21:11,630 --> 00:21:13,570 I mean, just what is it? Tell me! All right, just-- 484 00:21:13,570 --> 00:21:14,470 Yeah, I'll tell you What it is. 485 00:21:14,470 --> 00:21:15,670 You wanna know What it is? Yes! 486 00:21:15,670 --> 00:21:16,510 It is... 487 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,280 It's me. 488 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,780 It is. It is me. 489 00:21:25,780 --> 00:21:28,780 It's all me. I--I--I can't Commit to anything. 490 00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,290 Whenever I meet A great woman, 491 00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:35,290 Like your mother, 492 00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:36,730 I just run the other way. 493 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,130 And unfortunately, When I'm running, 494 00:21:39,630 --> 00:21:40,630 I... 495 00:21:41,130 --> 00:21:42,630 I trample On people's feelings. 496 00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:47,640 I'm sorry. 497 00:21:50,970 --> 00:21:52,980 Let me give you A little advice, brian. 498 00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,340 Grow up. 499 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,180 I'm trying. 500 00:21:59,180 --> 00:22:02,690 And who knows? Maybe someday, With a little luck, 501 00:22:02,690 --> 00:22:05,020 I'll be as sensible And mature as you. 502 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,890 Oh, wait a second, brian. 503 00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:11,390 Here's another milk shake. Oh, no, you don't Have to do that. 504 00:22:11,390 --> 00:22:12,390 Yes, I do. Come on. 505 00:22:12,390 --> 00:22:13,760 I spit in the other one. 506 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,600 [sighing] 507 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:20,100 Appreciate that.